|Saturday, April 1st, 2006|
Here goes nothing... and I do mean nothing
I am willing to bet on being the oldest person here... do I hate myself? why yes, yes I do. I am nothing, worthless, a used up 28 year old has been. I have three kids, none have the same father, hell two don't even live with me. My latest relationship ended because I am a waste of skin and now I spend all my time with a 7 week old baby who cries because I can't make enough milk to satify her. I have anorexia, it was under control but not anymore, I live in welfare housing in the nasty part of town and have no family close enough to be of any help. I don't want my life to be over, but it feels like it already is. I love a 22 year old alcoholic who has never bought his newborn daughter a thing. Wow I am truly pitiful... I will now write I love Cam over and over in a notebook and listen to 80's tunes to try to reclaim my lost youth, at least until Princess Payton wakes up and I have to listen to her cry again... at least she loves me, but only due to the fact she is too young to know better. The second she can understand I am sure her father will fill her in on how worthless mommy is. Current Mood: cranky
|Friday, March 3rd, 2006|
A rateing style community of a diffrent/new kind, you are rated on how hateful you are. Once accepted, player haters post hateful things they have done in compition for Hater of the Month, we play games, have fun, hate on each other. If you are intrested in a community where it is not only accepted but encuraged to be a comeplete asshole to everyone in the comm/offend everyone you can then this is the place for you.
Warning: This community can be/is very offencive, if you don't wanna be offended then don't apply/join/look.
|Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005|
Who fucking cares
I just wanted to say hi. Posted my first entry in my journal and joined yours.
Fucking hear what you're saying. Sending what little love I have your way sweetie! Current Mood: drunk
|Monday, April 11th, 2005|
|Thursday, March 31st, 2005|
hey im new. so heres the scoop.
im a freshman in highschool and im extremly depressed. im gay and im in love with this guy. it was at first sight i suppose.
|Sunday, March 27th, 2005|
I know you're trying to tell me something. There has to be a reason why this is happening to me. There has to be a reason why I am helpless; why I can't help those dearest to me. There has to be a reason why I'm so alone; why I've been abandoned by everyone I care about.
What am I doing wrong? Why am I always the one who's pushed away when I just want to help? Everything I ever say is dismissed, like my advice and concern is a piece of shit that someone stepped in. It hurts so bad when someone tells me I'm useless, even if it isn't straightforward. Because then all I have left is to sit back and watch as the people I love get hurt. Believe it or not, I have a heart. I have feelings. I care about other people besides myself. Yet no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to say or do anything right.
I even saw
this coming. I felt this.... I got the feeling that told me I was going to get shit. And what happened? I got excommunicated from everyone else's life, like I'm no better than some rumor-spreading bitch from school. What did I do wrong this time? Am I supposed to not care what happens to people? Am I supposed to pretend that I'm
wrong, that I'm
the stupid one, even though all I ever did was show compassion and sympathy?
I'm not even going to fucking try
anymore. Every single time even begin
to show emotion, I'm treated like some leper.
|Friday, March 25th, 2005|
hi, i'm kendra.
my previous journal was palerougedeath, just in case anyone remembers me.
still hate myself.
still wanna die.
|Thursday, February 10th, 2005|
hey im new...dunno if im supposed to fill out an application or whatever.. but yeah i do myself so i guess i fit that qualification....lol.. Current Mood: high
|Saturday, December 4th, 2004|
you make me
hi. my name is D. i hate myself. it forces me to avoid relationships with women as well as just friends. i'm not suicidal, but i do cut. i've never felt lonely until now. i'm 20 years old and i've only had one kiss in my life because i hate myself so much that i tell people its in their best interest to stay away from me. however, i still long for a love. its a conundrum.
|Friday, August 13th, 2004|
Hey ..Im new here..if u want to know..how much I really, deeply hate myslef..ull have to ask..but thast not why im here. Im looking for people to join my comunity..no speacil class or anything, just join to vent..im trying to make my comunity big...so spread the word!
http://www.livejournal.com/community/getintomyhead/ Current Mood: annoyed
|Friday, July 9th, 2004|
Um...yeah...So I'm a newb, please take pity on me. My summer sucks ass. I still hate me. Still depressed. Someone please shoot me.
*Squee* :) Current Mood: blah
|Wednesday, May 26th, 2004|
Hi. I'm new. And I hate myself. I hate myself so much. No matter what my friends say to me, I hate myself. Thank you. Current Mood: depressed
just thought i post this here...
|IN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP IHATEME AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES.|
anyone else feel like that...i do Current Mood: crappy
sorry cross posted in my lj
hi everybody... just to let you know im not new to lj just new to this account i made a new one so i wouldn't have to deppress everyone i know with my thoughts...sorry i hope you guys don't mind( why i should dieCollapse ) Current Mood: guilty
|Tuesday, December 31st, 2002|
im sick & tired of feeling this way, sick & tired of being alone.....
thats it im going on a diet....i just dont feel comfprtable in my own skin any more.....i feel shitty.....oh one of the guys who thinks im beautiful smiles every time he sees me.....its a lil weird....im lonely...i want someone to be with me...oh well....that sux major ass...i feel depressed, numb and empty.... reasons for me to want to cut....but no...i cant...too many ppl will be disappointed in me...and im sick of make ppl mad at me...im already mad at myself for being this way.....i dont need others to feel the same.....o look im whinning about my stupid life again...surprise surprise....my monthly bitch fest..and its always the same..."im fat, im ugly, im depressed, bla bla bla bla"......whats the point im always gonna hate myself i should just get used to it and move on right???...right...who cares if i hate the way i look, the way i feel, the way i hate every single thing about me?? no one thats right....no one.....just me....who cares if nobody gives a shit about me and that practacly no one has seen me @ on of my low points and could do something about it??? i mean who really gives a shit if i live or die??? no one....cause no one cept for a handful has seen the "real me".....no one has really seen all there is to see..i put up this wall that ppl have to struggle to get through and even when u think uve seen the other side u havent..its just more lies to make u think uve really seen it all...i dont know if i be willing to let any one in all the way....i dont think i can trust enough to do that....im too afraid to get hurt..im too afraid that when theyve seen it all they will look away w/ shame in their eyes or just be so let down by what they see cause they made me out to be something special and worthy of their love and attention....they will relize that im not special....they will see that im nothing more than shit....to be honest i dont even know who the real me is.....maybe ive been to afraid to look into myself and find that out....maybe i dont trust myself enough to find out who i am.....maybe im afraid that if i do ill look away w/ shame in my eyes....perhaps thats y i have the lies and the walls hiding me.....maybe its not just to save me from the thoughts of others....maybe its to save me from the thoughts of myself.....i dont want to know whats behind it all....i dont want to know who i am....what if i hate that person more than the on ive created....ive lied so many times and did so many things to myself that i dont know who i am...and that sux....its worse than all the other shit i feel...im nothing but a loser....what if i look inside and i find out that im boring and average?...what if im someone who i cant stand to be w/?......i cant just lock it up and go back pretending....once the flood gates are open its over and the lies are dead and the can never come back Current Mood: lonely
|Thursday, October 31st, 2002|
FUCK ME HARD!!!!
im screwed royally.......on monday ill find out if i get to come back to nd or not.......well actually if i do get the boot they will put that i decided to be dismessed insted of saying i was expeled.....they say its not cause of the days i missed but the work...i tried to make the work up, but there is only so much work u can do in one night....if i get expeled i have to go to a public school....that means i wont be @ prom ....what am i gonna do??? im not good w/ new ppl in new schools....and im not very good w/ making new friends....its too hard for me to trust ppl to make new ones.....im gonna be alone for the next 2 years.....i know that i put all this on myself......y did i have to be so stupid????? y did i have to get so sick for so long???? im so stupid...im crying over something i did to myself......this is all my fucking fault.......i hate this.....now ill be even more alone than i thought i was....ill have no friends at a new school......i hate myself for this.....i really do....but its all my fault....anyways.....i wont be there manana because the devil woman (mrs nemergut) said i shouldnt bother coming cause its a 1/2 day....the worst part of this is that i wont even know until monday if im out or not...i have to wait w/ all this stress and anxiety for 3 days......what if i do something stupid to myself....what if i fail???? do u really think i can handle having no one to talk to @ a new school???? i dont.....im totally and compleatly fucked....anyways im prolly boring w/ the whining...... Current Mood: melancholy
|Saturday, July 20th, 2002|
i still havent seen matt..i miss him...um...ive been really depressed lately..i dont really know y.....i just hate this fucking feeling..i dont want to be me no more...its just not fun....i feel like everybody is against me..and that no one really gives 2 shits about me and what happenes to me..w/ my fucking luck im right....everybody hates me...and if they love me i really dont understand it....i really dont deserve any of it...i deserve to be alone....im a bad fucking person....i lie to everyone about how i really feel...im shit....im nothing Current Mood: depressed
|Thursday, May 30th, 2002|
I was wondering if anyone here has been on anti-anxiety meds, and what experience you had with them? What effect did they have?
|Monday, May 13th, 2002|
i was bored so i was looking at random DJs and one of Alex's friends bobs came up....being curious i looked at his site.....he has some bullshit site about my father where he stole my pics and on top of that shit he makes fun of my father and my family....that is fucked up......i know i have done nothing to bob ever.....i was nice to him and so was my family.....my family is none of his fucking business.....he even made fun of my dad being blind.....i dont understand y these shit heads do this fucking crap all the fucking time.....i fucking hate them..... Current Mood: pissed off
|Wednesday, April 24th, 2002|
im not doing good at all.....for a while i didn't have any urges to cut and i wasn't even feeling that depressed.....but lately i keep wanting to just kill myself and get it all over w/....i just want to grab my fucking razor and just slit my god damn wrists.....but i dont want to fucking die....i just want to get rid of the way i feel...i cant deal feeling like this all the time.....i really cant....i cant act like everything is all right while im in so much fucking pain....i cant keep going on w/ the depression and the god damn cutting....i just cant handle being like this anymore.... Current Mood: depressed